I like to write, but I'm not a student of the King's English. My grade school, junior high, and high school teachers basically taught us to write like we talk. So I did, and got A's, plus a lot of encouragement to consider writing for a career. Imagine my shock when I turned in my first paper in my college freshman English class and got my first ever F. When I questioned the instructor about it, she claimed my grammar was poor, I had a lot of run-on sentences, and a lousy grasp on punctuation (commas killed me then --- and still do). Appar'ntly, 'ritin' da waaaay I tawked warn't gunna cut it in collitch.
I do know that verbs have to agree syntactically with their associated nouns, but when the subject is the Alabama Crimson Tide, is tide considered singular or plural? To my ear it sounds better to say "The Tide Goes Out", but I think "The Tide Go Out" is correct. Google wasn't much help, so that's why the title for this post is written to go either way. I'm diplomatic like that.
Now to get to the point of this blog.
If you follow college football, you know that my team, Texas A&M, beat the defending champs and number-one-ranked Alabama last Saturday. Our younger son took advantage of a three day pass from blowing up stuff at Ft. Sill to drive down to Aggieland and watch the game with friends, who, I might add, are still trying to accumulate enough hours to graduate. The older boy was ditched by his apartment mates, so he decided to hang with mom and dad for the day. It really wasn't such a bad deal since it came with a free dinner and a few beers.
The three of us settled down to watch what was surely going to be a stomping of elephantine proportions. Only the lunatic fringe expected a win; the rest of us just hoped for a decent loss along the lines of A&M's two previous losses: Florida (3 points) and LSU (five points). You know, the kind where you can still hold your head up in public and look people in the eye.
In retrospect, it would have been awesome to see the game live, but it's a sure bet they would have had to cart me, babbling senselessly, out on a stretcher. Sometimes watching at home is better, and here are some reasons:
1) Cussing. We can cuss and not worry about offending anyone, especially that uptight old biddy who sits in front of us in Kyle Field.
2) Replays, replays, replays. From the top, from the left angle, from the right angle, from head-on and behind. One of these days I expect the players' helmets will be outfitted with tiny cameras so we can see what happens from the bottom. ("Hey, LaDarius, would you kindly remove your knee from my spleen?" "Whoa, dude, when's the last time you washed that jock strap?" "Can I borrow your chem notes?" "How about setting me up with your sister, or is this a bad time to ask?")
3) Booze. Can't get that in any college stadium that I know of.
4) Pacing. We can get up and walk around when nerves get too jangled, something not possible when shoehorned into a football stadium. Mitch and I were like jack-in-the-boxes springing off the couch at every turn, good or bad. Richard, on the other hand, seemed to meld with the furniture.
5) Soap opera theatrics such as dramatically falling to one's knees and pounding the floor. I did this when Alabama QB AJ McCarron connected with receiver Amari Cooper for a long pass and touchdown that brought the Tide roaring back with only a five point deficit and time enough to beat us.
6) Nearby bathroom facilities and no long lines. When we are in our seats at Kyle Field and Mother Nature calls, you can expect to miss a good chunk of whatever quarter is being played, especially if you are female.
7) Household chores. I can load the dishwasher and fold clothes during half-time.
8) Cats. Phoebe had the misfortune to walk in during a crucial moment in the fourth quarter. I grabbed her, held her up, and screamed to the idiot box, "YOU LOSE, THE CAT DIES!"
9) Safety. No driving inebriated after celebrating half the night.
The downside to this win is that the Aggies may have spoiled any chance of the SEC vying for the championship for the seventh consecutive year. Oh, well. Stuff happens.
This coming Saturday we will be back in College Station to watch Johnny Football and company take on Sam Houston State. This, of course, does not have nearly the same cachet as the Alabama game, but after three weeks of road games, the Aggie Nation will be together again in Aggieland...and that is what counts.
I still haven't forgiven that instructor for that F.
I are a collitch grajooit,
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