A smorgasbord of things I've observed and/or learned from the boob tube. You, dear reader, should not assume anything about my television watching habits:
If someone is trying to drown you in a toilet, reach up and flush it.
When confronted with a zombie, shoot it in the head.
This country is seriously screwed up.
On television, there is no such thing as morning breath.
Television is overrun with little people, but you never see them in real life.
Snooki is an Oompa-Loompa love child.
People pack entire wardrobes for three-hour tours.
No one locks their doors, even in NYC.
Arthritis won't kill you, but the prescription pill you take for it might.
American parents are morons, especially the fathers.
Women on television have happy periods.
Wal-Mart advertising executives think normal people shop in their stores.
Seriously, who would order a cake from a Food Network contestant?
Most of the wedding gowns on Say Yes to the Dress are hideous.
Reality shows are completely unreal.
It is easy to find parking in NYC.
Gifts on television always have the top wrapped separately from the rest of the box.
Bullets from machine guns never hit their intended target.
People on television wind the bedsheets around themselves after sex.
Memo to Simon Cowell: Please go back to England...and stay there.
On survivalist shows like Lost or The Walking Dead, the ladies' underarms are always shaved and their eyebrows waxed.
Women go to sleep/wake up in full make-up.
Ever noticed the streets are always wet?
A woman running from an axe murderer is guaranteed to slip and fall.
Aggie football and national television generally do not mix.
A group of cats is called a clowder.
Betty White used to be darling. Now she's just annoying.
The cheeseburger I order never looks like the cheeseburger on the commercial.
Geckos have British accents.
Star Trek was right...there's no intelligent life down here.
Feel free to tell me what YOU have learned from the boob tube.
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