Welp here it is, nearly five whole months into the new year and I haven't written one thing.
Actually, that's not true. I've written reams of things. Take a peek into a few of the 1500 emails I've sent since the beginning of 2015:
Hi Janie – Happy New Year! We rang in the New Year dogsitting Ranger who'd had his manly bits snipped off. A dog wearing an Elizabeth collar and doped up on pain meds is a menace.
You kids, if you haven’t done them already, you need to get thank you notes off to your grandparents, ASAP. Papa doesn’t really care, but Nana would be very hurt not to get them. And I shouldn’t have to tell you kids to do these things. You grew up writing thank you notes. Now...go make me look like a good parent.
Stephanie - In one of your emails to the membership requesting names and email addresses of prospective members you wrote, “Soon we will be welcoming another batch of extraordinary women to our growing circle of fiends.” I know not all of us are as sweet as we appear to be, but fiends??? LOL!
Kim - Don’t know about you, but I am sick to death of this faux spring. Something is seriously wrong when your spouse is sprawled outside on the chaise in shorts and shirtsleeves, with a book and a glass of neat whiskey in February.
Lesa - You talking about the one you did yesterday? Yes. You added, then dropped, then I went in and manually changed the test person to Inactive. That was how I knew for sure there had to be a programming glitch. (NOTE: I have no idea what this means. It was time stamped at 2:46 AM.)
Paige - You got a thing in the mail from Tech about their ring ceremony in April. You can order your class ring at the alumni center March 3 and March 5, from 9 – 5. Just FYI. Do you still want a ring, or are you gunning for something else?
This is a test of the button of the MJA. (NOTE: this is another of those wee hours emails, there were a lot of them in March. No idea what an MJA is. Must have made sense at the time.)
Christine – About the onions, is it raw onions she’s opposed to, or any kind? A lot of main dishes and sides call for onions in the recipe. If they are chopped small, cooked, and incorporated with other things, is that okay?
You know what they say… A camel is a horse designed by committee!
Mark and Nicole - Richard and I were talking about the Vanderbilt game. We are thinking of renting a house in Nashville, as opposed to a motel room. I looked on vrbo.com and found some nice looking 2bd/2ba places running $200.00’ish per night. That would be a 50/50 split. Lots more room and a kitchen. Even found a cabin in the woods for that, ‘bout 30 minutes away, that looks fab!!! Would you guys be game to go in with us? We are looking at a three night stay, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Let me know ASAP. These places will book up fast.
Richard - I heard back from Mark. "Hell, yeah!" he says. I believe that means they are in.
Kim – Juliana hasn’t been able to find someone to sub for her tomorrow night. If she can’t scrounge someone up last minute, could I prevail upon you to speak about community service requirements? Just a heads up, in case I need to throw you into the ring with the wolves.
Kareen – That is so fabulous! Don’s vision and all that hard work paid off. I am so happy for you and the family. In honor of Don’s birthday, I wish you many more successes with your vineyard and your wines. Please keep us in the loop.
Trish - Been really busy here, too, tho’ not of the new house variety. How exciting! I’m afraid I will have to put you off until the week of April 12. Tuesday, Wednesday or Friday of that week will work for me. Sorry it can’t be sooner. Just up to the eyeballs with a lot of stuff. It seems like the hurrieder I go, the behinder I get!
Brent - You’ll enjoy (or groan) over this story. So Nana has been socked with some big bills of late. Tax bill. The CPA’s fee. The deductible for all the pills she takes hits at this time of year. She’s not a happy camper. Anyway, I took her grocery shopping, like I always do on Wednesdays. We parked and I was about to get out of the car, when she stopped me and asked if the store sold lottery tickets. I laughed and asked if she was feeling lucky. She says, no, but she’s so worried about all the bills, she thought she might play the lottery, see if she could win some money to cover it. I was speechless.
Mitch - How was the big date? Inquiring minds want to know…your sister and I worried all day. Kinda wondered if maybe you bit off too much with an all-day first date. You know, baby steps.
Hi All – This is to let you know that my mother’s 90th… yes … 90th birthday is coming up next month. Richard and I are hosting a family-only party for her in June. That being said, we would like for others to be included in the celebration. A milestone birthday without the good wishes of those she holds dear would be like a Texas spring without the wildflowers.
We normally like to think of our dogs protecting us, but in this case, a man went to extreme lengths to protect his canine companion: he punched a bear that was trying to eat his Chihuahua. Carl Moore, 73, saw a black bear trying to crawl into his yard in Meadow Vista, Calif. and nab his little dog, the LA Times reports. Moore is a former boxer, and those fighting instincts kicked in. Moore punched the bear in the face and it ran away. “The man or beast that I run from ain’t been born,” Moore said in an interview with CBS Sacramento, “and its mama’s already dead.” (This was a cut-and-paste I sent to my SIL, who has a Chihuahua.)
Dear Cousins - Forwarding the house rules for our stay in Hot Springs. I know how rowdy y’all are, inclined to trashing things, breaking valuables, and just plain hooliganism, so please behave or we forfeit our deposit!
Hi Maggie - Mother’s Day weekend was weird. Brent got last minute leave from Uncle Sam and breezed into town --- surprise, surprise! Mitch was jet-lagged from three weeks in eastern Europe; he was basically propped up in a corner and mumbled every now and then. My mother was in a bad mood because she’d had her hair cut and permed and it looked terrible. (Richard: “What the hell happened to her hair?!”) And my card from Paige was obviously bought and mailed in a hurry because she forgot to sign it. So typical. Other than that, it was fine. I’ve never made a big deal out of Mother’s Day, much to everyone’s relief.
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